Oh boy oh boy did I have the best subway ride home yesterday. I usually walk Madison from my office on Bleeker to the 1st ave subway stop. By that distance she is usually pretty tired, and on a day with 90 degree heat, she was cooked medium rare.
I put her in her bag where her head sticks out and her tongue is going all over the place and got on the train to head one stop over to Brooklyn. When she pants a lot, she gets some excess saliva in her mouth (this is kinda sounding gross but she’s so cute, trust me. See above.). This saliva somehow gets up into her throat and SOMETIMES, sometimes it makes her sneeze.
Well there was a 60 something year old chinese woman standing next to me, and she was fully Mott Streeted down. Chinatown Chinese with red plastic grocery bags, if you know what I mean. Madison recoiled and did a full on sneeze that went directly into her face. The woman was understandably mortified, covered her face with her hands and started shaking her head like NOOOOOO NO NO NO NOOOOOOO. She turned around in reflex, grabbed the stranger next to her’s shirt and started whiping her face with it. That woman had on her iPod listening to music and starts going WHAT THE HEY WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!?!?!?!
The Chinese woman is flipping out like someone threw acid in her face and this other woman is flipping out on the Chinese woman and I’m standing there like SORRY SORRY SORRY I’M REALLY SORRY! I couldn’t think of how to say “I’m sorry” in Chinese, mostly because I never learned it, and I can tell you my girlfriend has never said sorry to me before (JUST KIDDING, HI). All I could think of how to say is “thank you” and “can I have the check” which wasn’t useful at all in this situation.
Thankfully my stop came and I scrambled off the train. I stopped at a wine shop on the way home and asked the cashier if I could tell her what just happened to me. She just went “wow, go home right now and put that on Facebook.” I punched her in the face and said Google Plus, you fucking idiot. She died.